Well, you asked for it. Our first collection of weightlifting jokes went down a treat, so here’s Part Two. Same rule as before: the worse the pun, the better. Got one we’ve missed? Fire it over to josh@liftingtimes.co.uk and we’ll add the best of the worst to the pile.
I’ve got a cracking joke about the clean & jerk — but it still needs a bit of work at the top.
My coach promised the snatch would change my life. He wasn’t wrong: now I can’t pick anything up without chalking my hands first.
Why did the weightlifter bring a ladder to training? Someone told him the bar had been set high.
What’s a weightlifter’s favourite kind of music? Heavy metal — ideally with a bit of Eleiko on it.
Why was the weightlifter so relaxed under the bar? He’d finally learned to just let it float.
I asked a lad at the gym if he did Olympic lifting. “Yeah,” he said. “Bench.”
Why did the barbell go to therapy? It was carrying way too much emotional weight.
What do you call a lifter who won’t share the platform? Selfish. And one who will? A spotter.
My doctor told me to watch my weight — so now I keep it on the bar where I can see it.
PBs are like buses. You wait months for one, then miss three attempts in a row.
What did the empty barbell say to the lifter? “You plate me.”
What’s the hardest part of Olympic weightlifting? Explaining that it isn’t powerlifting.
I tried to come up with a squat joke — but I just couldn’t get low enough.
What do you call two coaches arguing about the second pull? A tug of war.
My snatch is so ugly the judges gave me three white lights out of sympathy.
How can you tell someone does Olympic weightlifting? Don’t worry — they’ll tell you. Twice. Before they’ve even re-racked the bar.
Groaned at least twice? Then our work here is done. Send us your worst — and do share this with the training partner who deserves it.
